Jack Ascii

Hello. I know the guy who made this piece of art. He’s odd. I suggest you go check out his collection of art here (Redbubble.com). From what I know, he hasn’t cut off either of his ears. I recently purchased his Einstein Lines shirt. I wore it the other day and ended up seeing some guy spill food on himself. He was wearing a button up shirt which looked to be pretty expensive. He looked dissatisfied with the whole experience, a feeling that most of the readers of JackAscii.net are familiar with. This piece of art work is called “Untitled”. I applaud the artists use of browns and yellows, but I feel strongly that he needs to work on naming his art. If it were up to me, I would call this one “Jerky Beef”. I like it. I don’t want to marry it though. I mean, what kind of Jackbone marries a piece of art. Anyway, check out arplastinoiii on Redbubble.com. 

Comments Off Posted by Jack Ascii / Neck Punching and Uncategorized

ACROYNMS
NYNP - “New York Neck Puncher”
CPAGOTD - “Cell Phone Answering Guy On The Dumper”
FIB - “Food In Beard”; Can also be used to refer to “Food In Brow”

SLANG
SneezeNCeaser - This is a guy who comes in your office, sneezes, and the touches your office door knob last Tuesday. A-hole!
LidHole - This is a guy who gets you the wrong size lid for your drink at the Nixon’s Deli by BestBuy. You probably should have thought something was up anyway because what kind of dude gets another dude a lid for their drink. 
Putter - This is a miniature air biscuit that is released in your opponents general direction as he/she marks their ball upon reaching the green.
SesameSnoozer - This is a dude who apparently ate a Whopper at lunch and somehow managed to get a sesame seed stuck in the right side of his left nostril. Even though you advertently look the exact opposite direction so as to not view this nose ornament once again, he doesn’t get the clue. Then, for the rest of the conversation you are hoping that he doesn’t launch it onto your non-sleeved arm (the inventor of the short sleeve polo shirt needs a good neck punching) after one of his patented mule cackles.

Comments Off Posted by Jack Ascii / Funyuns and Neck Punching

Jack Ascii is currently listed as numero 40 when google searching “Neck Punch”. I know I can do better. To the left you will see an image of Chris Childs neck punching Kobe Bryant. This is a masterpiece. Chris was an average professional basketball player (6.9 ppg, 4.9 apg), but when it came to neck punching, he was world class. Per the image, it appears as if Chris is attempting to push the lower larynx up into the oropharynx or nasopharynx, while delivering substantial pressure to the cricothyroid membrane.  The only thing that could have made this a better neck punch picture is if someone on the Knick bench would have stood up and punched Jack Nicholson in the prevertebral splenius (neck).

This Jack Ascii post was brought to you by the inventors of the bolo tie. There is no better neck accessory to ensure you don’t get the job.

Comments Off Posted by Jack Ascii / Neck Punching

Winner, hands down best eyebrows in a neck punch video. Loser, hands down in all categories unrelated to neck punching (e.g. life, personality, etc.).

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This guy is our winner for the worst celebration after a neck punch by a mentally handicapped person who really isn’t mentally handicapped. The double thumbs up is so five years ago.

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The people in the following video are not paid actors (no joke).  Someone needs to tell the guy with the cast that he’s ruined a perfectly good piece of video about neck punching. 

No Comments » Posted by Jack Ascii / Neck Punching