Jack Ascii

I have three memories from cafeteria lunches in middle school. The first of which is seeing part of a grasshopper bob in the ranch salad dressing self serve bowl a couple days after we dissected them in Biology class. I have no idea who placed said grasshopper in the salad dressing, but I would like to applaud them. See, one character flaw I have (and accept) is that I delight in the misfortunes of others. Now, when I say misfortunes, I’m not talking about cancer, or anything remotely life threatening. I’m referring to things like catching a croquet ball in the groin or jamming up your girlfriends parents toilet. Anyway, when I recall the whole bobbing grasshopper episode, I like to imagine a guy or girl who, after months of fighting it, has finally made peace with the fact that they will be eating cafeteria food for the remainder of the school year. Maybe on this particular day, this person is actually looking forward to eating a salad. Nothing brings me greater joy than these small instances of misfortune. Being a teenager is pretty tough even without finding a grasshopper thorax in your salad. 

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