JackAscii

Not to be outdone by Chevy and Chrysler’s recent success in re-releasing models previously retired, Ford is going to bring back the 1977 classic cargo van. Details are still emerging, but early word has it that it will either be called the Ford Pervert or the Kidnap Cargo Van. Dealers will be required to conduct a full background investigation on all potential buyers.

McJack@ss (mic ‘ jak ‘ @ss) – 1. An employee of the McDonalds fast food chain who engages in clown-like activity . 2. Anyone who thought the McRib was good. 3. A parent who encourages their child to play in the McDonalds play area without first allowing their food to settle. The end result of this type of activity is vomit and or an unappreciated odor.

Inverted rubber – Rubber that contacts the ball with its smooth surface, and is glued to the rest of the bat with its pimpled surface. With a larger contact area, this type of rubber generally produces more spin than pimpled rubber, although some rubbers are designed to have the opposite effect.

JackAscii’s Comment: It’s no surprise that table tennis is not often discussed in public. I feel uncomfortable typing the phrase “inverted rubber”.

Pimples – Rubber that contacts the ball with its pimpled surface. Produces different effects on the spin compared with inverted rubber due of the reduced contact area and flexibility of the pimples.

JackAscii’s Comment: Terrible term, equally terrible definition. As a group, ping pong players are not the most attractive assemblage of folks*. So why throw gas on the fire with this term? Couldn’t it have been called Spinners or Bespeckles (found this using the ole thesaurus – in your faces!)?

* For perspective, ping pong players are not as narly as those guys from Best Buy’s Geek Squad, but still a little more trollish than your average Chess enthusiast.

Third ball – The stroke hit by the server after the opponent’s return of the serve. Because the serve can be used to make attacking difficult for the opponent, the third ball is frequently the first strong attacking stroke in any table tennis rally.

JackAscii’s Comment: Third Ball. It’s two more than my buddies college roomate.

Above is a graph representing the age distribution of my home town, Oak Ridge, Tennessee. Below is an announcement from the local newspaper, the Oak Ridger.

Go Wildcats

To the left you will see an image of Chris Childs neck punching Kobe Bryant. This is a masterpiece. Chris was an average professional basketball player (6.9 ppg, 4.9 apg), but when it came to neck punching, he was world class. Per the image, it appears as if Chris is attempting to push the lower larynx up into the oropharynx or nasopharynx, while delivering substantial pressure to the cricothyroid membrane.  The only thing that could have made this a better neck punch picture is if someone on the Knick bench would have stood up and punched Jack Nicholson in the prevertebral splenius (neck).

This JackAscii post was brought to you by the inventors of the bolo tie. There is no better neck accessory to ensure you don’t get the job.